People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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