So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize