Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
