I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
