I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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