everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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