You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
