mondays should just be called national damage control day
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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