I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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