I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
