Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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