shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
