so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
