she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
