you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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