1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize