gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
