I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
