I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
