marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
