I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
