Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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