I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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