Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
