mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
