my mouth tastes like poor choices
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
