I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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