never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
