Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
