we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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