Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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