i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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