Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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