Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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