Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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