do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
