Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
