We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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