i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
