I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
