He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
