No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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