Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
