I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
