dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
