what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My brain says no but my pants say off.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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