i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
