i need an iv and a liver transplant
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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