when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
