either way he was missing a nipple.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
