Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
