New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
