He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
