he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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