We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
