If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
