Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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