i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
