I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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