Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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