its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
