the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
