My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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